Very sad news of a fellow blogger, and a virtual friend….. A friend none the less.
You are much missed Marcus!


What does a cuckquean really mean?

It’s not quite the same as the male version which as luck would have it is better known. Cuckold.

Cuckold historically referred to a husband with an adulterous wife and is still often used with this meaning. In evolutionary biology, the term cuckold is also applied to males who are unwittingly investing parental effort in offspring that are not genetically their own.[1] Since the 1990s, the term has also been widely used to refer to a sexual fetish in which the fetishist is stimulated by their committed partner choosing to have sex with someone else.[2]

Historically, the term was generally considered to be a great insult, and leveling an accusation that a husband had raised another man’s child (thus implying that he had been a cuckold) was deemed a provocation that demanded a fight to the death. [3]

It’s somewhat similar. I’m guessing though, that it might mean different things to different people.

For me, it’s a female who’s committed partner cheats. He does this, with my knowing he’s doing it, and yet not only do I chose to stay with him, but I find it a turn on to know that he is with others. Personally, it’s not easy, it’s painful. And I find that the pain also contributes to my state of arousal. Which is why I also feel I’m an emotional masochist. They go hand in hand.

I think that for most of us that consider themselves part of this fetish, the humiliation of our partners going to others is the main driver.

So for me, I get off on the humiliation, the pain, and the jealousy. Add to that my partners dominance, and it becomes euphoric. And I crave it even more.
It can be terrifying to know that I might be setting up a pattern that I’ll never be able to change though.

How do you know if it’s enough?

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Enough for whom? For what?

Am I enough of a submissive for someone to want? Or vanilla enough to marry? Kinky enough to keep? Attractive enough? Skinny enough? Intelligent enough? Young enough?

Young….. That’s another one. Not too terribly long ago I wondered if I was old enough. Now I fear that I am too old.

Who determines enough? Me??? Or the other …… And who that other is, is determined by the question itself.

All of those questions are relative to the one judging. It’s unfortunate that we be judged by others, but it is part of our every day life. I do it. We all do.

I know that once I get to know someone, my opinions of “enough” might change in regards to them. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could change what enough meant for my opinion of myself?

Personally, I think I’m pretty hard on myself most of the time. Yes, that can help me to reach my goals, but can also cause other issues.

Maybe someday i will figure out what enough is, and hopefully it will apply to me.


One word can mean so many different things.
It’s a spice. Both powder and liquid. Also comes in the form of a seed. It’s a flavor. A scent. And can be a description to mean straight laced.

It can be a color. A way you view things.

Love the flavor of vanilla. And even the color is appealing to me. But I do not in any way, want to live my life like Ward and June Cleaver.
Pull my hair, spank my ass, force me to luck your feet. Call me your SLUT. HELL……. Make me your slut. Your personal dirty girl.
Tease me. Withhold orgasms, tease me more. Spank me again, make me a desperate melted puddle of girl goo. Please!

I’m starting to think that the only ones who will treat me like that, even behind closed doors, are really the same ones that are going to break my heart and aren’t worth trusting.

Does no one understand?! At least START off with some roll playing?!? It doesn’t have to be sexual at all.


What am I doing wrong? Or am I just that fucked up???

Is it luck, or something else?

Ive always thought i had bad luck. Negative computer karma too. But is it really LUCK? Or destiny?

Just a thought