Vanilla

One word can mean so many different things.
It’s a spice. Both powder and liquid. Also comes in the form of a seed. It’s a flavor. A scent. And can be a description to mean straight laced.

It can be a color. A way you view things.

Love the flavor of vanilla. And even the color is appealing to me. But I do not in any way, want to live my life like Ward and June Cleaver.
Pull my hair, spank my ass, force me to luck your feet. Call me your SLUT. HELL……. Make me your slut. Your personal dirty girl.
Tease me. Withhold orgasms, tease me more. Spank me again, make me a desperate melted puddle of girl goo. Please!

I’m starting to think that the only ones who will treat me like that, even behind closed doors, are really the same ones that are going to break my heart and aren’t worth trusting.

Does no one understand?! At least START off with some roll playing?!? It doesn’t have to be sexual at all.

Sigh

What am I doing wrong? Or am I just that fucked up???

one night in May

 

This is something i write a day or two after these events took place. To the best of my ability, this is as close as i could get to accurate.

you pick me up, i have been waiting for you, dressed in a short mini skirt, and a black sleeveless shirt. it’s cut like a tube top almost, but long, and flowing at the bottom, and goes well with the boots i am wearing, that come to my knees, and lace all the way up. the heels on them are at least 5 inches.

as i get in the car, you tell me to hike up my skirt, so you can see my pussy, and you run a finger from the top of my clit, down towards the seat, where I’m sitting, feeling how wet i am. i catch my breath, as i feel your finger run across me, across my clit, with just the right pressure, i moan lightly. wishing you would press your fingers inside me. aching for it.

you reach up, and pull the top of my shirt down, exposing my breasts and tell me to buckle up, leaving them out, and exposed. you instruct me to spread my legs and to play with myself, but not to cum. As you start to drive, you pinch and pull in my nipples, telling me what a slut i am. that i would just get in, be sopping wet, and ready to fuck. only a slut is like that. your words make me wetter, feeling your hands on my nipples……i have barely just begun, but i am almost ready to cum. i have to back off a bit, so i don’t lose control, and you see this. you tell me to move forward and open the glove box.

as i lean forward, and open the glove box, there is a toy, with a handle, that is to go in my pussy, and the handle to make it easier to fuck me with. You instruct me to put it in, continue playing with my clit, and not to cum. i am to fuck myself with it. and not stop.

as you drive, you turn the inside light on in the car. you tell me to look out the window, we are right beside a truck, and the driver is watching me, with my legs spread, fucking myself with a toy, tits hanging out, grinding against my hand that’s rubbing my clit, and the toy in my pussy. i am so wet, i can feel it dripping down me, towards your seat.

you refuse to let me cum, driving that toy deeper and faster into my pussy. telling me what a slut i am, you cant believe how wet i am, you can see it all over your toy, and almost dripping out of me onto your seat. you tell me that you will let me cum when you count down to one. starting with 30…..i rub my clit harder, grinding against the toy, a moan pushes past my lips….29…..rubbing my clit faster still, i turn my head to the side, so i can watch you, as you drive, holding that toy in my pussy…….28…….my hips rise off the seat looking for the warmth of your

hands while trying to hold it off, not wanting to cum yet, trying not to disappoint you…….27…….i can feel it building inside me, right at the edge, looking at you, wanting you so bad……..26…….”don’t you cum you filthy slut” omg……i cant keep it in, and i start to stiffen, as my orgasm takes over me, bucking my hips into your hand and arm, as i hear you telling me what a slut i am, that i cant even keep from cumming. You tell me that i am going to pay for that later, and i had better not made your seat wet, or i will be licking, and sucking it clean of my juices.

you drive into a darker parking lot, and park the car, and tell me to clean the toy, and put it back in your glove box. i do as you tell me, with your hands on my nipples, pulling and pinching, keeping me constantly aware of the pain. i am certain that i have made a puddle in your seat, i cant help it, you keep me wet, sopping wet. all i can think of is sex. my brain has been sucked out of my head, and my cunt, that is dripping wet, is all that i can think about.

you come around, and open the car door, telling me to pull my shirt up, and my skirt down, that you don’t want to be embarrassed, so can i please not look like a common whore. you have me take your arm, and walk with you into the building. once inside, you lead me into another door, and i see a bar area. to the right is a dance floor, couches, a DJ booth, a stage with poles, and a cage.

you lead me to the couch closest to the stage, and sit me down. you point out that on the stage is a cross, where someone is being whipped, a spanking bench where someone is being paddled, another area where someone is being bound with rope, and once i have seen all that, i notice someone to the right of us, with a violet wand. i feel your hand on my nipple, and you yank my shirt down again, exposing my left breast, so you can sit and idly play with it. i absolutely love this. i loved my nipples and breasts to be played with. i feel my cunt start to flood again. with all the activity going on around us, all i can do is look at you, with my eyes full of lust, knowing that i am going to do anything you tell me to.

you pull my left leg up over your lap, and push my right leg further apart. my cunt feels gaping open, wet…..begging for attention. anyone walking on the stage can see me, or anyone before the stage, and i notice a couple of guys standing watching you playing with me. i reach to hold you with my hand, and you smack it away. telling me that I’m not allowed to touch you. your hand works it’s way to my cunt, and you stick it in, and fuck me fast and furious for a moment, pull it out, and wipe it clean in my hair.

You get up and walk around, and force me to sit on the couch, with my legs splayed open for all to see my cunt, and how wet i am, my right breast still exposed.

you watch me sit uncomfortable, knowing that others are watching me, and i look over at you and you have such a grin on your face. you are talking to a couple, who keep looking over while smiling. i wonder what you are saying, and it’s making me wetter knowing that you are talking about me.

you come back to me, and grab my nipple, and pull me up to my feet. you tell me to fix my shirt, and to follow you, we head past the bar, and down the stairs. at the bottom of the stairs, there is a “check in” where rooms are reserved. 12 rooms, plus an orgy room, and a lounge. A guy with hair down to his waist starts our tour. as we enter each room, you reach under my skirt and finger my clit and piercing. i am so wet, it’s an audible sound that it makes, I’m sure the long haired guy can hear it. he appears not to though. he leads us through the rooms, a school room, room with a round bed, room with fountains, a bdsm room, etc…till we get to the “orgy” room. an open room with 6 or 7 beds in it, he explains that there are no reservations made for this room, it’s a free for all. anyone can use it, any time.

you reach down, and are really rubbing my clit, and I’m grinding and pressing myself into your hand. “look at what a slut she is” you say out loud. it makes me turn beet red from embarrassment and i just grind more onto your hand. “look at her, she’s a filthy slut, you know she would love for you to put your fingers in her too” you state. I’m so embarrassed i cover
my face with my hands. you lean in “tell him cunt” you whisper. i nod my head up and down, YES. that’s not enough. you tell me to use my words, say it out loud. i barely whisper, “please put your fingers in me”. he wasted no time, sticking 3 fingers in my pussy, and fucking me fast and hard with them. i can feel myself start to sway, and you reach out, and steady me, so i don’t fall. you tell me to kick my feet apart further so he can get to my pussy easier.

i am so wet, and so full of lust, but i cant relax. I’m nervous, and i think you know this. you whisper to me that it’s OK to cum. but i cant let it go. when he takes his fingers out, they are covered in my pussy juice. he wipes it off in my hair….you push me back against the wall. you shove your fingers in roughly, and pull them out, and make me suck them clean. you take your hand against my throat, and i can hear a few people at the door to the room, at the next tour. it makes me even wetter. i think i must be leaking cum down my legs now.

Amanda……….The Beginning

Good grief, I hate being late she thinks to herself as she glances at her phone to check the time. He told her to meet at 8 and it’s 10 after. 

She rushes down the sidewalk a little faster hoping that since it’s raining out he will be a little late too. She frowns slightly as she realizes he’s never late. 

Finally she reaches the door to her building and heads inside towards the elevator. Good thing she laid out the clothes she had picked to wear to dinner tonight. They might not be late after all she muses as she steps into the elevator. Amanda presses the number 4 and as it lights, the doors close. 

The elevator car comes to a stop and opens. Amanda dashes down the hall towards her apartment. She reaches down to the doorknob expecting to find it locked, and instead sees a white ribbon tied to it. Her hand frozen in place just above the doorknob she stares at the ribbon. Her heart pounding hard in her chest, she turns the knob slowly. She hopes he doesn’t hear her. Maybe he’s too preoccupied to notice she thought hopefully. 

She quietly shuts the door behind her and gently turns the lock to lock the door. She sets her bags down in the hall and turns towards the bathroom. She notices her dinner clothes are outside the bedroom door upon the floor. The bedroom door is ajar just a bit. Amanda can hear voices, but not what is being said. She stands still and continues to listen. It’s not a conversation she hears, but it is Mark her boyfriend and a woman. She cant see anything through the crack in the door, and decides she’s not going to walk any closer than the bathroom.

She tiptoes down the hall, her cellphone still in her hand towards the bathroom. The voices are definitely louder. She can hear now that they are either having sex, or they are in the midst of foreplay before sex. She hopes that he wont notice she’s come home yet. 

She is almost doing a dance she has to pee so bad, and as she enters the bathroom, she very slowly and quietly shuts the door, and then turns the light on. Trying not to interrupt Mark with his new friend. when she’s done, she stands up and barely turns the water on in the sink to wash her hands, and then drys them. She reaches down to flush the toilet, turns the lights off, and then open the bathroom door to exit. 

As she opens the door, she hears Mark telling his friend that he will be right back, and she can hear his footprints on the hardwood floor coming towards the bathroom. She pokes her head out the doorway, and see’s that he is but steps away. He looks rather irritated that he was interrupted. 

“Did you see the ribbon on the doorknob?” he demands as he continues to walk in her direction. Amanda backs up against the door jam, and just nods her head yes quietly. “Then why aren’t you naked and in the bedroom to take care of my sexy new friend?” he says as he’s towering over her.

She opens her mouth to answer him, in almost a whisper she says “i had to go to the bathroom first, it was a long ride and then walk here”. Amanda hopes he cant tell that she didn’t want to go in the bedroom to see them. She’s fallen head over heels for Mark, and she has always done anything he asked of her, without hesitation. She knew as soon as she saw the ribbon on the doorknob that it meant she was to strip her clothes off, and come to the bedroom and ask him how she could please him. 

Amanda didn’t understand how things got this way. They had been together 3 years, and the last year after she found out he was having sex with her best friend, he had begun to demand she be there to watch him when he had sex with other women. She hated watching it. She loved him so much and it made her completely jealous, and even angry. But all of that was replaced by an aching feeling, almost like an itch that needs to be scratched. Sometimes Mark had her suck his cock when he was done fucking the other women, sometimes she had to lick his cum from their pussies. She really did love the taste of him, even if she had to get it by licking another woman to have it. 

Every time he did this, that feeling inside would just burn. She didn’t understand why, but she never felt desire anything like it. 

The first time she busted him, she had stormed out of the apartment. She saw him fucking Debbie, her best friend since High School. They had even gone to college together, they were more sisters than best friends. 

She had run out of the building and down to the corner where Starbucks was. She got a coffee and sat down, waiting to see Debbie leave, so she could go back up. She sat there and thought about it, she was angry. How could he? WHY would he? and DEBBIE? why would she do this? and the more she thought about it, she noticed that feeling started in her pelvis, and grew. and before she knew it, she realized that picturing him fucking Debbie was making her wet. and she wanted to go back up there and ask him if she could watch. 

Her phone vibrated and she looked down. “it’s safe now, come up” was the message that Mark sent. She wasn’t sure she wanted to go back up yet But she also didn’t want to make him wait. 

She grabbed her coffee, and headed back to the building. 

When she got to the door of the apartment, she saw that it was ajar. Good thing too, since she left her keys inside when she stormed out. 

She stepped inside and saw Mark on the sofa. He was still naked. She frowned when she saw that. 

Mark patted the sofa next to him, and said “SIT” She spoke nothing, and sat next to him. She couldn’t help but to sneak a glance at his cock. He wasn’t quite erect, but he wasn’t soft yet either. She could tell he hadn’t bothered to wash up after Debbie. Just thinking that made her angry again. what the Fuck were they thinking? 

“I’m sorry you saw that” he said. “ i didn’t intend on you walking in to see that, nor did i intend to hurt you”. She could tell he meant it, he was looking right at her when he said it. She however, continued to look at his cock. She wondered how he would taste. She had never been into oral sex, and in fact most of the time, refused to do it. The only time she did it without complaining too much, was when she was on her period. she called it “blow job request week”.

She was watching his cock while he was speaking, and she heard less than 1/2 of what he was saying as she stared at it. She licked her lips. She really just wanted to get down on her knees and take him in her mouth. She had that burning hot feeling inside, and she had to do it….she had to taste him. 

Fuck it, i’m going to do it she thought. she scooted off the sofa, and on her knees before him, as she reached out and took his cock in her hand. Amanda moved her face and mouth within an inch of his cock, which was now beginning to harden again. Mark was still speaking, but she heard nothing he was saying. 

She didn’t move, but stayed there, breathing in the scent of Mark and Debbie. She was salivating just thinking about tasking the mix of them on his cock. She realized it wasn’t just her mouth that was wet thinking about it, Her pussy was drenched, and the burning inside was growing, threatening to overtake her. Amanda stuck her tongue out and tentatively licked the head of his cock. She let her tongue roll around the head, and then slid the head in past her lips into her mouth. She was intoxicated by it. 

Mark had stopped speaking, and was looking down in surprise at Amanda. He expected yelling, screaming, and cussing to begin after she came back. Instead as he had begun to apologize to her, she was suddenly between his legs, sucking his cock. He remembered that he hadn’t cleaned up after he and Debbie had sex. Since they had been interrupted he hadn’t been able to cum yet, so Amanda doing this unexpectedly was quite welcome. Especially since she almost never did it.

Somewhere in there, she had changed. She was ravenously devouring his hard cock in her mouth, to the back of her throat. Mark watched what she was doing, how she had out of no where had changed into a sex crazed woman, with an oral fixation. He reached down and grabbed the back of her head, holding his cock into her throat. “mmmmm yeah….god that feels good” He said. She was looking up at him with his cock in her mouth. She has never looked so beautiful he thought, so incredibly sexy. fucking HOT. “Did you like that baby?” he asks. “Did it make you wet? It did, didn’t it?” he questions as he begins to fuck her mouth in earnest.

Amanda was trying to hum a yes, but Mark’s cock was so hard, and completely filled her mouth. She could barely breathe, and just wasn’t able to say, or do anything to answer his question. He had been holding her head down on his cock, but now he was just skull fucking her. Amanda had both hands on the floor trying to steady herself while he was doing this. She reached down between her legs, and under her skirt. She felt that she had become so wet that her panties had a wet spot spreading on them. I have got to cum she thought. She looked at him with her eyes as he fucked her face. He asked if she liked it, and did it make her wet, but she couldn’t respond and the next best thing was to play with herself. She knew that would answer his questions. She didn’t understand why yet, but she knew she had never been this turned on before. Not even watching porn with Mark. 

Mark was still looking down at Amanda. She didn’t answer his questions yet, but she did spread her legs apart, and began to play with herself. He knew that was an answer to his questions. Oh HELL yes he thought. He began to fuck her mouth harder. The harder he fucked her face, the faster she rubbed her clit. She got that desperate look in her eyes, and Mark knew she was close. He grabbed the back of her head, wrapped his hands in her hair, and said “you want my cum baby? do you?” He could feel that he didn’t need to hold her head anymore, she was fucking her own mouth on his cock while she was rubbing herself at the same time. “Swallow it all baby, don’t miss a drop” he said to her. She wasn’t pushing with the same force, and He glanced down, and could tell she was starting to orgasm. “oh fuck yes! “ he said as he pushed her head onto his cock, impaling her on it. Amanda was in the midst of cumming, and Mark started to cum into her mouth. He pushed his cock back as far as he could, ensuring that he would cum down her throat, and she wouldn’t be able to spit it out.

As he spurted the last bit of cum in her mouth he reminded her “don’t spill any, you lick up anything that doesn’t stay in that mouth of yours” and he slowly pulled out. He looked down at her, and she was licking her lips, her hand still rubbing away on her clit. “did you cum yet?” he asked. Amanda nodded yes.

“Don’t you cum again. You can rub all you want, but you better not fucking cum again, you understand that you little slut?” He knew this was testing the waters, but she looked almost high and he thought if there was ever a time to see what would happen talking to her like this, it was now. 

“You really loved the taste of Debbie’s pussy juice on my cock, didn’t you? “ he asked her. She was still staring up at him, her mouth open and empty, and her hand was furiously rubbing her clit. “I bet Debbie would let me cum in her. You could lick my cum out of her beautiful tight pussy, i bet you would like that, wouldn’t you slut?”

Amanda felt it growing again, she couldn’t stop it. Mark talking about Debbie’s tight pussy, and him cumming in her, was more than she could take. she wanted to be able to lick it out of her, and the thought of it sent her over the edge again, and she started cumming again, harder and faster than the first time with Mark in her mouth. She laid back, letting her orgasm overtake her, contracting in waves from her head to her toes. She was moving her hips against her hand, and it kept going and going. Finally it started to ebb and she noticed that Mark was now standing above her head. He was looking straight down at her. “i fucking told you Slut, DO NOT CUM AGAIN” he bellowed. 

Still just as confused as ever

I am just a big fucking mess. I am all over the spectrum.

I hate hate hate, what being an emotional masochist and cuckquean do to me. the effect they have on me, i despise. I cant help it though, and i have no control of how/when things happen. Realistically things will only have that erotic, arousing, completely sexual effect on me, if i have some connection to the person who is behaving in such a way that it triggers all this in me.

Lusting after someone who has opened a door that i closed a while ago…….is it a good thing, or not? should i just go with it, or run away? Is it cheating on B, if he and i have been separated (living completely apart) for over 2 years? Not only living in different homes, but different states, and no sexual contact in any form during that time.

If i decide to walk through the open door, how much am i to trust this person? I have been burned before. too many times.

I would love to be able to live in the kinky lifestyle without all the emotional pain, without the feeling like the bottom has dropped out of my world, and hoping and praying that the other person wont turn his back while i am falling.

Perhaps that’s because i haven’t ever been able to trust someone completely, with the exception of B, in the beginning. I cant trust them, and yet i share my secrets, and i allow them to hurt me emotionally…..and they haven’t deserved my trust. Because they don’t stick around to make sure I’m not falling apart after the pain. Sure they come back, but ultimately they come back to use me, not because they care if the toy they are playing with is in good condition or not. Or if they are just going to use the toy (me) until i am un-useable anymore.

Sometimes i wish i could find a kink friendly counselor to talk to. Who might understand my submissive part, and not try to get me away from that. I enjoy that part. i don’t see it as something that keeps me down. I know when i can be submissive, and i know when i have control. I know where it’s appropriate in vanilla life, work life, and behind closed doors. I don’t want to get rid of that part of me. I do want to figure out how to be able to deal with my particular kink though. Because ultimately I tend to hold on to hurt and pain, especially when the person that inflicts it, is a complete narcissistic asshole, and walks off uncaring.

And sometimes after all the hurt and pain, i sit, and try to heal myself, and i find myself thinking about things that happened long long ago. Thinking that what i have done in my life since then, has made me the biggest fucking slut, out of anyone i know. and i equate sex with acceptance.

i am all over the map. and i’m fucking confused as hell, so if anyone has recommendations on a kink friendly counselor in the Mid-Atlantic, please drop me a note!

Knowing what i need

you have asked me to find someone for you, someone for you to fuck, a new toy, a willing submissive to serve.  I have spent a lot of time searching internet sites, bulletin boards, and craigslist for such a person.  I’m picky, i want a drop dead gorgeous woman for you, something that i cant be, and what i wish i looked like. I have talked to a couple of women through email over the past two weeks, and have decided on one. She’s mid 30’s, long red hair, green eyes, and tan. she’s built like a stripper, tiny waist, and big boobs, and she has great legs, and shows them off constantly. i asked her to meet me in a hotel bar, knowing that you are upstairs. i didn’t tell her everything, but that i was finding someone for you, i didn’t tell her that i’m your slave, or that i would be watching you with her.

She’s very funny and sweet, but also quite a sass. i get along with her well, and am very attracted to her. she’s wearing a black miniskirt, and a nice blue silk blouse, and i can tell that she’s not wearing a bra, as i can see her nipples thru the silk, how hard they are, and i’m only dying more to see them. she’s very excited to meet you, and i’ve told her that you will be here soon. i excuse myself to the restroom, and walk out of the bar, down the hall, but pass by the restroom, to the elevator, where i come to your room. i walk in the room, and you are there waiting. you instruct me to remove my clothing, and to sit on the floor, on a towel that you have placed there for me.  that i am to wait for you, and not speak unless specifically you tell me to talk. no matter what has been said to me.

you leave the room, and head down to the bar, you know her instantly by how i had described her to you, and you sit down at the bar next to her. As you introduce yourself, you see her face brighten, excited to meet you, and perhaps just a touch of shyness to her. she’s blushing.

you talk to each other for a few minutes, as she finishes her drink, and you announce that you are ready to head upstairs, where i am. she gets up nervously, and you guide her to the elevator, your hand on the small of her back. you reach the room, and open the door, and see that i am sitting on the towel where you told me. patiently waiting for further instruction from you. The two of you walk by me, and nothing is said. she sits on the bed, and you across from her in the chair. you explain to her that you will not do anything to hurt her, if she has any concerns to speak now. you explain that what i have told her is all true, and that i was conversing to her, with your instruction, and interests in mind. she nods that this is what she wants, she’s very quiet and still blushing.

you instruct her to stand up before you, she walks over, and stands in front of you, she’s a few feet away from me, but close enough that i can see. you tell her to spread her legs enough so that you can inspect her. she spreads her legs hesitantly and slowly and as she is, your hand slides between them to her pussy. you trace your fingers around her folds, as she gasps, and a moan escapes her lips. you tell her to lean forward toward you, to put her hands on the arms of the chair as she does. she leans in, and you see her breasts in her blouse, her nipples hard, and her face is so close to yours, that you reach up and kiss her mouth with your hands still tracing the folds of her pussy. as she starts to kiss back, you push your fingers inside, feeling her moan as you are still kissing her.

i am on the towel watching the two of you, happy that i found someone that is beautiful, and that you are attracted to, and watching her do as you instruct is making me so very wet, my cunt contracts as i am watching, getting wetter and wetter. as she leans down, i saw the smile on your face as you met her for a kiss. and watching you kiss, i was drawn to then see what your hands were doing. as she was bent over like that, her pussy and ass were in full view for me to see, as your hand between her legs and your fingers tracing around her pussy lips, and then when you pushed two fingers in, and the moan that i heard. i looked back up to see that you were still kissing her, and fucking her pussy with your fingers at the same time. her legs were moving further apart and i am flooded with jealous pain. i’m filled with desire and lust, the more i see, the more the need grows. it starts in my chest, and moves through my body, my cunt so wet, i am starting to leave a wet spot on the towel. i realize that as wet as i am now, and as jealous as i am, that you are going to push my limits, by doing nothing more than enjoying a new beautiful pussy in front of me. i know that i would do anything you said, no matter how depraved, just to get an ounce of attention from you.

*********************************

you slide your fingers out of her pussy, and the two of you stop kissing. you instruct her to remove her blouse, and skirt, and then to stand in front of the window. You get up, and open the drapes to the window, so that anyone outside can see what is going on, if anyone is there to look. she removes her clothes, not having worn a bra or panties, there isn’t much to remove. she stands in front of the window as you have instructed. you push her back, with your hand on her throat, so that her back is up agains the window, and push harder till she’s struggling a bit to catch her breath. you tell her what a good slut she is, and that your “toy” was instructed to find her, as your toy was no longer able to satisfy you. You like what the toy found for you, and you are going to enjoy using her. you tell her to spread her legs again, making it so that i can see her pussy. I can see how wet and swollen she is just from the few moments your fingers were in her, she’s completely shaved, and i am even more jealous seeing how pretty her pussy is.

you move your fingers from her pussy, and call for me to crawl to you, and stick your fingers in my mouth for me to clean. i suck on them hungrily, i hear her catch her breath, as for the first time she realizes that i am in the room, and i’m naked, on all fours. you pull your fingers from my wanting mouth, and push three back into her, and start to fuck her with your fingers with more determination, you bring up your thumb and begin to rub her clit as you are doing it, all the while, holding pressure on her neck. her mouth is open, she’s panting, red from embarrassment, looking down at me, and back at you. she’s whimpering, caught between pleasure of you fucking her with your fingers, and embarrassment that someone else is watching it.

You pull your fingers from her yet again, they are soaking wet, and i can see her juices on them, and tell me to clean again, i can smell her on you, and see that she is dripping. i take your fingers in my mouth, and clean them. making sure to get all the juice off of you. you remove your hand, and put it on the window, leaning in to her. you tell me to remove your shoes, and pants, and then you start to kiss her again. i know better than to falter too much, and that i should take care not to interrupt  you with her. as i am removing your shoes, i look up and see her chest rise and fall, as her breathing quickens. her nipples are standing rock solid, begging for attention. as if on cue, you move your hand from the wall, and reach down, lightly tracing your hands on her breasts, and around the nipples, watching her skin, and her reactions you smile. you lean down a little, and take her nipple in your mouth, and suck it in. your tongue rolling around the nipple, and i hear her catch her breath again, and mutter some words under her breath. i cant quite catch them, as i am still taking your clothes and shoes off. when i finish removing your shoes and pants, i fold them, and place everything together beside you.

you release her breast from your mouth, and tell me to remove your shirt. as i am doing so, you tell her that i will not speak without permission from you, and if there is something that she has questions about to let you know, and you will tell me to answer. she says nothing. you tell her that when you are done fucking her, and have filled her with cum, that i am going to clean the two of you, not with soap and water, but with my mouth and tongue.

she stares down at me, making my cunt contract, i am so embarrassed. i feel so incredibly worthless, yet at the same time, happy that you would allow me to taste your cum, out of someone else. You guide her to the bed, and you sit down, you pat the bed next to you, for her to sit with you. you start to nibble and bite her breasts again, pausing to tell me to suck your cock i am so happy thinking that you will allow me to do this, as i am sucking your cock, i can hear the noises that the two of you are making, sometimes kissing, sometimes you are nibbling on her again, and you occasionally use a hand to push my head further down on you, into the back of my throat. i am dripping wet, dying to rub my clit and cunt, wanting release very badly, knowing i cant unless you tell me too. not caring about the pain of any punishment really, but the disappointment that you would show. knowing i would have failed. you ask me if i want to taste your cum, do i think i deserve it? i try to nod yes, thinking that if i have done all the work with my mouth and tongue on your cock, that i surely deserve it, and that you will reward me with your cum in front of your new subbie.

you pull my head off of you with a handful of hair. you ask her if she wants to taste your cum, she nods yes, and gets on her knees next to me, and puts her head down onto your cock. i see her bob up and down fucking you with her face, and you tell me that THIS is how it should feel when someone is sucking your cock, not the pathetic job that i do. you tell me to take notice of what she is doing, and learn how to do it better, or you will find someone else to take my place as your toy, that i wont even be worth that to you. Your words sting, and make my chest hurt more, and i can feel my own juices running down my leg, a flood of desire and lust for you. You have always let me have the reward of your cum if i have done the work, but this time you gave my reward to someone else, showing me that i really am just a toy to you, and i only want you more for it. you grab her head with both hands and hold it, as you start to pump your load into her mouth, i can hear the moan she makes, as she takes it all, every drop that you gave her, leaving nothing for me, but an empty mouth, and a wanting cunt.

***********************************

you tell me to get on the towel, and to stay there until  you call me to clean. You proceed to lie back, as she starts to lick and suck your balls and cock, her ass in the air, i can see her pussy in full view. she’s very swollen, and as i look, i think about reaching up to her to put my mouth on her pussy, and lick, just a taste. i hear you talking to her, pulling me back to now, away from my thoughts of her pussy, telling her how good she is, and how much better she is than your toy, and that you might consider keeping her if she pleases you well. i know you are aware of what this does to me, the pain that it causes, and how much it turns me on. i have no control of it, it makes me utterly desperate to do anything for you, to please you.

i focus on her mouth, as it is sliding up and down on your cock, she is putting so much effort into it, and i can tell from your reactions that she is doing a good job, i don’t need to hear the words to know that she’s better than i am. you pull her off, and tell her to get on her knees and you get behind her, putting your fingers in her pussy again, this is the first time you really see it, and tell her how pretty it is and how wet she is for you. You slide the head of your cock, just inside her lips, she’s so swollen and wet, you slide in easily, feeling how her pussy tightens around your cock. you hold it there for a second, going slow to tease her, and torture me, you take pleasure in knowing that you are controlling two women. You pull her hips back onto you, slamming your cock in as far as  you can go, and fuck her hard. i can hear how wet she is, with every stroke of your cock in her pussy, and hear as  your skin makes contact with her. i hurt too much to look, just the sounds and now the smell of the sex is enough to keep me wanton and wet.

i hear you tell her to pull her ass cheeks apart, and i look up. i see that you have your cock at her asshole, ready to push it in she was wet enough that you didn’t need any additional lube, and you slowly, deliberately push your cock in her ass. i hear her moaning very loudly now, as she’s grabbing at the sheets on the bed, you are pushing her head and back into the bed with one hand and grabbing her arms behind her back with the other, using them to pull her onto your cock. you don’t hold back, telling her how good she feels, how tight her ass is, and shoot a glance at me, and say that it’s been a long time since you felt someone who was actually tight, and not all used up like your toy is. You fuck her ass hard. even though you have already cum in her once,i know you are about to cum again. i sit and watch knowing that you are going to fill her up again, and that i wont get any of my Master’s cum. the pain that fills me, yet gives me such pleasure is overflowing, my chest is tight, and i’m finding it more and more difficult to sit and watch, without fingering my cunt. i know if i do, that i will come quickly, and then be subject to a punishment, and disappointing you even more.

i look up and see that you are pulling her hands harder, i know you are about to pump her ass full of your seed. and i hear as you start to roar….i love that sound when you cum. you fill her ass full, and lie on her to catch your breath. watching the two of you lying together kills me. i want that place. i need that place.

you push up off her, and call me to crawl to you, and you tell me to clean your cock, in front of her. she knows that’s her juice and shit on your cock, and here i am eager to clean you, taste you, and her. she starts to move and you tell her no, that when i am done with you, that i am going to clean her as well. that it’s the only way i will get your load, is second hand through her. you tell her that i long for it, and live for it.

i lick every inch of your balls, and cock with my tongue and lips, making you clean, loving that you are in my mouth, and giving me the chance to feel you. a chance that i feel i wont be getting very often anymore. you tell me that she’s starting to leak your cum, and that i should clean her. i move my mouth to her pussy and start to lick from her clit, up to her ass, and taste you in her. i love the way you taste, and relish every moment i get to show you just how much. the more i taste you, the more i want,i start to push my tongue in her ass, and she is wiggling back on my face, wanting more attention with every movement. i see a flash go off, and realize that you are taking pix of me tonguing your cum out of her ass, pix that show just how much i want to taste you, no matter where that taste is.

****************************

you put the camera down, and sit on the edge of the bed, and tell me to remove my face from her ass and pussy, and come to you. i climb off the bed, and get on my knees facing you. you hand me a wash cloth, and tell me to clean off my filthy whore mouth,  since you are clean, you don’t want to get dirty again. i wash my face off, and then you tell me that you want to piss in my mouth. but you have a reward for me, that if i take it all, and swallow all of it, you will let me lie on my towel, and masturbate and cum for the two of you. the thought of masturbating for your amusement, and that of a complete stranger, is so humiliating to me, and you know that it’s also one of my turn ons. i would have done it anyways, be a urinal for you, to drink you down. i long to taste you.

it’s not easy for me to do this, but i’m determined that i will drink it all, and i can hear her saying things in a whispered tone, it’s difficult for me to hear exactly what it is, since i’m concentrating on not spilling or wasting a drop. i just know her tone is one of disgust, and disbelief that i am so dirty of a whore that i would do this. it takes me a couple of minutes of sputtering and coughing but i manage to drink it all, i’m relieved that i get to cum, and the realization dawning on me that she will be an audience.

i’m not allowed on the bed, only on the towel. that’s my place as your toy. you tell me to spread my legs open so the two of you can see what a dirty slut i really am. i move my fingers down to my clit, and start to rub, my piercing moving back and forth, fueling my desire. i’m so wet, i can hear the noise my cunt makes as i finger myself, and look over at you, to see you kissing her like i have been wishing for. it only makes me rub my clit more. i start to move my hips, and moaning, it’s so close, i can feel it, and the sight of you with her brings it that much closer. suddenly i feel something on my cunt. it’s shocking, i’m not quite sure what it is, but i don’t stop, i glance at my cunt, while continuing to rub, to bring me closer to orgasm. it’s your foot, and you are rubbing your toes in my wet cunt. i cant help but to push back on to it, almost fucking your foot in me. You tell me that i am so pathetic, that i would actually fuck your foot, that you just want me that much, it doesn’t matter how or what, that i would be so desperate to actually fuck your foot.

i cant speak, i’m moaning, and thrusting my cunt onto your foot, pushing you further and further into me, stretching my cunt more and more, and again i see a flash go off, as you take pictures of your dirty desperate slut fucking your foot. knowing that i am pushing you further and further in, only drives me to rub my clit harder, until i ask you for permission to cum now. Thankfully you give it, and i cum, grinding your foot into me, loving the feel of you inside me, as i cum over and over. i stop fingering my clit and slide off of your foot, and turn around to tell you thank you, as i bend over to lick my juices off of your foot, grateful that you have given this to me, and knowing that this is what i want, and need.

Not what she thought

she walked in the room, removed her clothes, placed on a blindfold, and waited. he was on his way, her anticipation had only been building since they last saw each other.

she never knew what was in store for her. but she could feel that nervous knot build in her stomach, and her pussy swell, and get hot and wet. she got on the bed, on all four, and put her head down, and ass in the air, trying to get comfy. she didnt know how far away he was, and every noise she heard, she thought she could tell it was him.

eventually she heard the key enter the door, and the door open, her pulse quickened, and she broke out in goosebumps. she heard him say “put your stuff down near the window” and she knew immediately that there was someone other than him in the room too. the other person didnt make a sound. she heard someone, not sure who it was, walking around behind her, and suddenly she felt fingers on the wet folds of her pussy…….

her breath caught in her throat, as she felt the fingers probe her wetness, glide around and find it’s way to her clit. she felt the fingers press harder on her clit, and a bolt of electricity shot through her. she moaned into the bed, as her head was still down in the mattress.

she felt hands on her ass, rubbing gently. and then another slapped her hard. a squeek came from her mouth, and she was moving her pussy back on the fingers now, not knowing what she was doing. her body and mind separated, and her body was reacting out of carnal desire.

she could hear a zipper being pulled down. and then she felt hands on her hips as those hands were pulling her back.

she felt the tip of a penis at her cunt. she wanted to grind on it. push back on it, ram it inside, but she waited and let the hands do what they wanted. she could swear it was him. she knew his hands. the way he touched her. the way she felt when she was with him….but was it?

she felt the cock finally enter her, deep inside, and slowly pull back out, not quite all the way, and suddenly, ram back in deep. she was moaning now, her head off the bed. and then just as suddenly, she felt the penis slid out, the hands come off her, and she heard him tell someone, not sure who, to suck her juices off his cock…..

It was him. she knew it. but now someone was sucking his cock. she had been waiting for that. waiting to feel his cock fill her mouth, have him push her head down on him, till he was in the back of her throat. she never felt like she was good enough for him, but he often chose to use her mouth. maybe her mouth was good enough. she felt incredibly jealous hearing the sounds of a wet mouth, and his voice telling her to take it like a good slut. she wanted it to be her. she longed to taste him.

she heard him tell the other woman to sit back, and stay close, but not to touch. then his cock was in her again. he was fucking her, and  god it felt good. she was glad he chose her pussy over the other womans mouth. he was fucking her deep. she was grinding back on him, he was calling her his slut, his kitten. his property, the more he said it, the faster she pushed back. till he started to roar, he grabbed her hair, and pulled her head back till he was cumming in her cunt. she loved when he came inside her.

he told the other woman to come closer, and clean up the mess….

she could hear the wet sounds of another mouth again cleaning her Master. she was still jealous. it made her heart hurt, and long for him more. she would do anything for him, if he would just keep her.

he told her to remove the blindfold. she slowly pulled it off her eyes, and over her head, and laid it on the bed. she turned her head to the side, so she could get a view of her Master’s cock being sucked. it was another man. his face all the way down on his cock, and her Master was pushing his head down further. as if on cue, her pussy juiced even more. her mouth salivating, she turned and crawled to the end of the bed, and held her head next to the man, with her mouth open. wanton. waiting. begging for her Master’s cock

He was taking very good care to clean his cock, and she could see every move he made. her Master was still hard, and she wanted to feel him in her mouth. she inched closer, till her face was next to the man, her tongue out, licking her Master’s balls. she felt her Master’s hand hold her head there…….

Thats my kitten, her Master said as he held her head. “get off the bed and lick my ass while hes sucking my cock” he commanded. She rolled off the bed, and put her face to her Master’s ass, her tongue out, waiting to taste him. She pushed her face forward till dhe could feel his hole, and worked her tongue up and down trying to fuck his ass with it, and sucking at the same time. She was trying to push it further in. She could hear the noises the man was making. Her Master was Barely moving. She assumed he had the mans head and was fucking his face by pulling him back and forth.

She was glad for that, it let her try more to get her tongue in his yummy hot hole. The man was making gagginf noises, and she could hear her Master tell him not to spill a drop, he would never get another chance if he did.

She hoped he would spill it. She wanted her Master to enjoy, but she also Wanted not to have to share. She could hear her Master ask if he was ready, and held his head down cutting off the mans air…..

She could hear him struggle, while she was trying to do the best job she could licking his ass. Her Master began to roar again. She licked and sucked harder. His voice was still growing louder. She wondered if the man could take it all. She felt her Master start to relax, and she slowly moved her head.

She could see the man still licking her Master. No cum on the floor, and a puddle of spit from his face to his legs. He’d been drooling as her Master fucked his face. Master told her to lick the pre cum fom the mans penis. She hesitated, and he grabbed her hair to force her. She gently licked. Master said not to do enough to make him cum, so she wasnt putting it in her mouth.

Master then told her to lie back, and told the man to lick her well used cunt…..

On her back the strange man was licking her pussy. It was full of her Masters cum. He was licking it out of her. Every so often his hot tongue would brush her clit. It made her so needy. She had started to wiggle while he proceeded with his efforts.

It didnt take her long to start to feel like she might cum. His hot wet tongue would probe inside her. The more she wiggled, the harder he licked her. When he started sucking on her clit, suddenly her Master was above her, his cock at her mouth. She took it in eagerly. She loved the feel of him filling her mouth. It didnt take her long to cum with the man sucking her cunt and clit, and her Master in her mouth. She made no sounds with Master there.

Her Master pulled his cock out and told the man he did well, as a reward, he could fuck kitten…..

The man wasted no time with her. His cock was dripping pre cum as he pushed it into her cunt. She was very hot, new juices from her cum made her slippery wet. Her Master kept his cock in her mouth, enjoying a tongue bath. And the man quickened his pace. He was pounding her hard enough she was moving forward on the bed.

Not too long after he began to fuck her, the man began to cum. Her Master pulled his cock out of her mouth and leaned down to pet her hair.

You did very well kitten. Im proud of you, he said. Then he leaned closer to her ear, and whispered ” i love you”

Gardner’s blog, pain, and thinking about Mr. NY

I sat alone on my couch tonight, with a cold beer, and read Mr. Gardner’s blog. I find that i’m envious at the ability he has to put his thoughts down, and doing so very eloquently.

Reading what he’s posted, has made me think of my own relationships, the cheating I’ve done, and those that cheated on me. It brings back much pain. Not just my own pain, pain that was caused by others, but i do feel pain knowing that i have hurt others. Especially others that have loved me, and that i loved.

Still, thinking about that pain has the same effect it always does. i’m an emo. i cant help it. I contemplated masturbating while i was reading Mr. Gardner’s blog….but then i thought how insensitive of me to derive such pleasure from someone elses pain. I am not a sadist. of any sort. i’m an emotional masochist. and I hate that part.

I cant help to let my mind wander…..thinking back to being in the ‘Cuse with Mr. NY. Him taking me to the XXX theater. we were the first people in the theater that day, and the lights were still on. i dont even recall what was on the screen, i was too nervous and scared to pay attention to anything except for Mr. NY.

He had me wear a denim mini skirt, and a low cut sweater with my typical cami underneath, however other than my boots, that’s all i was allowed. He got as comfy as possible in the theater seats, and immediately grabbed me by the hair and guided my head towards the zipper of his jeans. He was definitely hard, i could see the outline through his jeans. He undid his jeans and impaled his cock with my mouth. I was mortified. i recall feeling like my entire body was turning beet red at the thought of who might see us. At the same time, that very thought was making me wet beyond belief. He knows that about me, humiliation is one of my kinks.

He let me suck his cock only for a short time, before he ordered me to sit up, and to put each leg over the arm rests. This effectively had my skirt ride up to hip level, leaving my pussy uncovered by clothing, for anyone to see. And as i put my legs up, i finally looked around and noticed that we had started to gather a crowd as i was sucking his cock. 6 to 8 men were standing around, in the row in front, in the isle, and behind us a row or so back, peering over the seats to watch us.

Mr. NY pulled my sweater down, and pulled on my nipple rings until i started to catch my breath, and moan slightly, and then told me to start playing with myself for the audience. I’m fairly sure i had been so wet i was already making a wet spot on my seat. And i was still mortified, and embarrassed so much so, that i buried my head in his shoulder as i continued to masturbate.

He likes to deny me to orgasm, and thankfully while he did deny me that this time, it wasnt for too terribly long. i dont think i could have held off long anyways with all those men looking at me. A few more men had wandered down by this time, and a couple even had their cocks out masturbating in front of us.

He would let me masturbate to the cusp, about to go off the edge, and then stop me. Leaving me panting, needy and desperate. He would have me begin to masturbate again and push me to the edge, each time not letting me cum. After about the third time, he finally let me cum. I think his purpose was because i tend to be very verbal and loud when i cum. This time was no exception to that, actually i think i came longer and louder than normal. pushing my hips and pussy up as i came, as if i were trying to touch my clit to some non existent person above me.

He didnt let me stop there. Because i can come multiple times, as many as 9 times in a row without stopping, he had me continue. if i looked like i was going to stop, he would pinch and twist my nipples and whisper in my ear that if i didnt continue to masturbate he would walk out and leave me there at the mercy of the audience of obviously aroused men.

it took less time for me to cum the second time, and i noticed that the man who was at the ticket counter, and sold us the tickets had heard me, and he had also made his way down the isle to watch me. Mr. NY would lean in and tell me that he was going to bend me over the arm rest at the isle, so my ass and pussy were exposed, and allow the men to fuck me if they wanted or cum on me. That was all i needed, and i came again. This time, i had my face in Mr. NY’s shoulder so it would help muffle my screams of pleasure as it overtook me.

I was still nervous, scared, mortified, and VERY weak in the knees, but he pulled my sweater up, and grabbed my hand and helped me up. We left the theater together. He still looked rather neat and put together, i on the other hand was disheveled and my hair was in what i like to call a “fuck knot” from writhing around when i came.

At the time, i thought i would never do that again. I have since wished many times i could go back and do it over, and over and over. Mr. NY really knew how to push my limits.

*sigh*

i do miss him.

Aside

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