a quandry

Do i, or dont i?

 

Do i follow my heart, even though it doesnt see he’s a narcissist?

Do i give him the benefit of the doubt, when the rest of me thinks hes still lying to me?

Do i let go and forgive for the cheating and lies?

 

A friend is my adviser

I have no reason to feel a twinge of jealousy, but i do.

A smile. A chuckle, a twinkle in my eye. Thats what hes been giving me.

Do i accept his offer for a confidant?

Test the waters, or keep to the confines of friends?

I want to blow his mind with wonderful feelings and sensations,

Introduce him to the same addiction i have

Denial, forcing things, control, obedience, devotion

 

Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for offering your friendship and confiding in me.

Open the door that i might step through and fill you with passion and desire.

Open your door and heart to love.

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As requested…….For Gardener

I had asked another blogger if in effect he became aroused at all when thinking about his wife with another man. He stated to me that, only thinking about one senario, would have that effect on him.

Only if he was thinking about a DP scene.

I told him i would tell about the one DP i have had that i found pleasurable at all. Except that i told him he had to wait for a post…..so here goes.

A couple of years after i had my epiphany about BDSM, i began seeing someone I’ll call Chris. He was built like a professional football player. He completely towered over me. I met him at the restaurant i had been working at, and i (still to this day) don’t know why, but i was drawn to him, and he was one of very very few i gave my number to. By the time i had met him, i had almost given up on any type of relationship in BDSM. I had kissed a lot of frogs along my way by this point.

Chris and i would see each other every couple of weeks or so. Nothing too intense. and at that time, i really didn’t even think about it, i just went with the flow. However, he always controlled everything. And he absolutely preferred anal sex. Most of the time, i was either sucking his cock, or he was fucking my ass. He liked to pull my hair back pretty hard, while he was pounding my ass with his cock, pulling me back on to him. he also liked to spank me. Even with all that, i didn’t even think of it as anything but vanilla.

Chris had a friend over one night, when he called and asked if i wanted to come over. He didn’t tell me in advance that he had anyone there, so i was a little surprised when i arrived. I sat on the sofa, and we had some vanilla chit chat for a while, drinking a beer or two, just being social really. After about an hour, Chris stood up, and grabbed me by the hand and led me back to his bedroom. He directed me to take my clothes off, and get on the bed, on all fours.

He stood in his doorway and watched me do this, not closing the door, and he wasn’t quiet about telling me what to do, so i knew his friend had heard what he was saying. Of course that embarrassed me to death.  And turned me on beyond belief. I had never met his friend before, so i didn’t know what to expect. Considering that Chris had never done this before, i just figured he was stressed, or frustrated, and just wanted a quick fuck to relieve some tension.

Well, Chris stripped off his clothes, and stood along side the bed behind me, and pulled me back to him, so his cock met my ass. and slowly started fucking my ass. No lube, no warning. Although painful, i do sometimes find that pretty hot. The longer he fucked my ass, the better it felt, and by the time he was grabbing my hair, i must have been pretty loud ( i tend to be very verbal during sex) because he told me to look at the door, and see that his friend was watching.

i wanted to crawl in a hole and die right then. Chris would have none of that, if anything he just pounded my ass harder. Pulling my hair even harder, he told me to tell his friend to come in the room and join, that he didn’t have to just watch. It took me a moment and i eventually was able to repeat what Chris had said.

Chris’s friend declined to come in the bedroom, and stood continuing to watch for a short time, and then he disappeared from the door way. Chris didn’t like that too much, so a hard smack to my ass, telling me to get up, and go out to the sofa where his friend was, and get on my knees on the floor between his friends legs.

I got off the bed, and reached down for my clothes, and Chris snatched those right out of my hand, and told me to go out there the way i was. I reluctantly complied. Using my hands to cover up as much as i could, i walked out there, and got on my hands and knees on the floor in front of his friend. Chris had followed me out of the room, and was now standing behind me, telling me to unbutton his pants and to show him how much i wanted to please him, and suck his cock.

I hesitated a bit, and was yanked up by my hair, with Chris telling me to do as i was told. I moved a little quicker towards his friend, with Chris still holding on to my hair. giving me just enough “slack” so that i could complete the task.

Chris let go of my hair after a minute or two, and let me suck his friend off, the more i got into it, i could hear his friend moaning a bit, and Chris was also telling me to do a good job, etc. He then told me that i should stand , while still sucking his cock, and not to take his cock out of my mouth at all. it took me a minute, to stand up without stopping, or taking him out of my mouth, and when i did  Chris just took his hands and spread my legs apart a bit. I was standing bent at the waist, my mouth on one hard cock, and now i could feel Chris’s cock at my cunt.

Chris’s friend grabbed my hair, and Chris grabbed me by the hips, and i had the two of them pulling me back and forth on cock. Being as how i am verbal, the harder Chris fucked me, the more i moaned, and screamed around his friends cock in my mouth. and it didn’t take too long with that going on before Chris came inside me. As He was filling my cunt up with his cum, his friend pushed my head down to almost deep throat him and he too started to cum. i was filled with cock and cum in both places, and frustrated as hell, because i hadn’t cum yet.

After i swallowed the one load, and Chris pulled out, i didn’t say anything and laid down on the floor right where i was, and masturbated in front of them both, until i also came. I definitely get loud when i cum, and Chris made mention that next time that took place, he would make sure that i was busy with my mouth when i was cumming, so not to make as much noise the next time.

And although i didn’t know it at that time, if i am having my face fucked, and allowed to masturbate to cum, that’s when i cum the hardest. i absolutely LOVE to have my face fucked like that. mmmmmm nothing like that feeling!!