What does a cuckquean really mean?

It’s not quite the same as the male version which as luck would have it is better known. Cuckold.

Cuckold historically referred to a husband with an adulterous wife and is still often used with this meaning. In evolutionary biology, the term cuckold is also applied to males who are unwittingly investing parental effort in offspring that are not genetically their own.[1] Since the 1990s, the term has also been widely used to refer to a sexual fetish in which the fetishist is stimulated by their committed partner choosing to have sex with someone else.[2]

Historically, the term was generally considered to be a great insult, and leveling an accusation that a husband had raised another man’s child (thus implying that he had been a cuckold) was deemed a provocation that demanded a fight to the death. [3]

It’s somewhat similar. I’m guessing though, that it might mean different things to different people.

For me, it’s a female who’s committed partner cheats. He does this, with my knowing he’s doing it, and yet not only do I chose to stay with him, but I find it a turn on to know that he is with others. Personally, it’s not easy, it’s painful. And I find that the pain also contributes to my state of arousal. Which is why I also feel I’m an emotional masochist. They go hand in hand.

I think that for most of us that consider themselves part of this fetish, the humiliation of our partners going to others is the main driver.

So for me, I get off on the humiliation, the pain, and the jealousy. Add to that my partners dominance, and it becomes euphoric. And I crave it even more.
It can be terrifying to know that I might be setting up a pattern that I’ll never be able to change though.

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How do you know if it’s enough?

Enough?
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Enough for whom? For what?

Am I enough of a submissive for someone to want? Or vanilla enough to marry? Kinky enough to keep? Attractive enough? Skinny enough? Intelligent enough? Young enough?

Young….. That’s another one. Not too terribly long ago I wondered if I was old enough. Now I fear that I am too old.

Who determines enough? Me??? Or the other …… And who that other is, is determined by the question itself.

All of those questions are relative to the one judging. It’s unfortunate that we be judged by others, but it is part of our every day life. I do it. We all do.

I know that once I get to know someone, my opinions of “enough” might change in regards to them. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could change what enough meant for my opinion of myself?

Personally, I think I’m pretty hard on myself most of the time. Yes, that can help me to reach my goals, but can also cause other issues.

Maybe someday i will figure out what enough is, and hopefully it will apply to me.

Vanilla

One word can mean so many different things.
It’s a spice. Both powder and liquid. Also comes in the form of a seed. It’s a flavor. A scent. And can be a description to mean straight laced.

It can be a color. A way you view things.

Love the flavor of vanilla. And even the color is appealing to me. But I do not in any way, want to live my life like Ward and June Cleaver.
Pull my hair, spank my ass, force me to luck your feet. Call me your SLUT. HELL……. Make me your slut. Your personal dirty girl.
Tease me. Withhold orgasms, tease me more. Spank me again, make me a desperate melted puddle of girl goo. Please!

I’m starting to think that the only ones who will treat me like that, even behind closed doors, are really the same ones that are going to break my heart and aren’t worth trusting.

Does no one understand?! At least START off with some roll playing?!? It doesn’t have to be sexual at all.

Sigh

What am I doing wrong? Or am I just that fucked up???

Is it luck, or something else?

Ive always thought i had bad luck. Negative computer karma too. But is it really LUCK? Or destiny?

Just a thought

Early celebrating

My birthday is tomorrow. Today’s celebrating began at 3 pm EST promptly. Ive got a nice buzz going.

Lets hope i have a happy birthday for a refreshing change 🙂
Cheers!

Time for an update

Ive been MIA for a bit. Lots o drama, BS, and such. But in there somewhere M and i found each other.
B is still around, and thankfully with the help of M, i’ve been able to stop allowing B to take up my time and attention and focus on other things ( like M for instance)

I have also resigned my position at work. I loved my job, or what it was supposed to be. However my boss, a micro manager from hell has made it fucking intolerable. Ive been suffering from incapacating migraines, and he’s been a major contributor to those.
I’m very much looking forward to the frquency of my migraines diminishing.

And yet that means i’ll. be looking for a new job. Sooooooo if any of you readers have any employment tips for the IT / network operations field please ping me 🙂

M and i are taking the D/s thing slow. Not rushing, just enjoying one another, and while i can be quite the brat, i’ve been making sure that im not trying to take control from him. We are still new together and there’s plenty of time ahead !

While i’m not sure that we will ever go the cucking route, im hopeful that one day we will reach the point that he’s able to cuck me, and my being secure enough to actually enjoy it.

I think that catches us up. So i’ll be around reading some blogs i follow trying to get caught up with everyone else.

Last but certainly not least…..
Thank you to all those that have served our country, on this Vetrans Day!

“You’re MINE”

I waited a long time to hear those words spoken to me by someone that felt the emotion behind them.
I look in his eyes and i can honestly say i see inside him. I see how he feels towards me, and while im looking at him i can see nothing but him. Its as if there is only the two if us alone on earth. I can feel his gaze back upon me, and feel him peering further inside me each time.
Yeah, its scary. Im afraid he will see something that will make him turn away from me. But i have told him everything. And still im afraid.
What if i forgot something? What if…… What if…..

I refuse to dwell on it. I cant. He is such an amazing beautiful person, and while i dont understand why, he loves me. And im so thankful that he does.

I know ive got issues, and im scared that i will drag him down…… But for now i’m basking in his love, and giving him all of me.
I cant even put into words how this man makes me feel. I can only hope i make him feel the same love that he is giving me.

Saturday is my birthday…… But i got everything i wanted …..
I love you M.

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